I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
