So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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