He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.