jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....