Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.