WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
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I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.