HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.