I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
