Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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