I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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