foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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