Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
don't judge my taste in strippers
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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