Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
