Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
