all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
