Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
