At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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