I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
