since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
