I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
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The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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