i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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