I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
nutella sex= disaster
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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