your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
