dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
