$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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