If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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