You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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