I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize