Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
