I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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