No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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