I heard we made out
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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