franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
