you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
