Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
