dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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