glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
