y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
