I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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