I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
