He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
