he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
