Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
