its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
