you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
