so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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