those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
