omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
