I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
