i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
