Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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