By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
