Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
