Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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