Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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