she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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