To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
is it fun? or sober?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
