Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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