im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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