What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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