On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
