Her vagina should come with caution tape.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
